Dear Internet People- I Am Not Your Fetish Object

Dear People on the Internet,

I am on websites like Adultfriendfinder and Fetlife to explore my sexuality and fetishes- not to be your fetish object.  I know this might be a confusing concept for some of you out there, but women of color have their kinks and turn-ons as well.  While some women might be open to race play many are not.  I’m the latter. 

I never have to deal with that much yellow fever offline. Most people only believe I’m mixed in the winter months.  IRL most people look at me and see a black woman, unless my hair is straightened then they usually think I’m some flavor Mexican or some kind of Arab – whatever.  While there’s a fair amount of creepers pressing the last nerve of Black womanhood ,it wasn’t until I started logging on did I get a glimpse into what goes on for my Asian identified sisters.  Its not pretty.  When I changed my screen name from RumPunchPrincess to BlasianBytch my inbox went from 50 emails a week to almost 200. 90% of the messages were creepers looking for me to love them longtime.

To put it bluntly, some folks don’t know how to act around women of color online or offline.  It seems when online some men feel that they are no longer obligated to consider the person on the other side of the screen a sentient being.  Corresponding to a woman the way one would blubber to the cover of a porno before you drop in your quarter isn’t going to cause a lady to swoon.


Of course this isn’t just for the men, I’ve come across many women that can’t look at a Black man without antebellum Mandingo fantasies dancing like sugar plums behind their eyes.  I’ve also witnessed the newer phenom of women obsessed with “Asian culture” to the point where the only penis that will do better make a gong noise when it cums.   I’m sure there are people with all kinds of ethnic and racial sexual fixations. Here’s the thing, if you are one of those people, try to quell your inner creeper.

The way I see it, if you have a fetish you can look on Fetlife for WILLING participants. If someone comes with ethnic or racial fixation expecting validation from a person or group of their fetish objects they’ve just made everyone a forced participant in their fetish.   People have no obligation to play up to your fantasies just because they happen to be born the right shade for your flavor of ethnic role-play.

Its just plain rude and if someone does that I have the right to speak my mind about it. I have the right to ignore or block your emails.  I have the right to report you to the site if you can’t take a hint and leave quietly. I have the right to not be harassed. Sadly it seems many of the race fetish trolls can’t seemed to handle those simple truths. I am not latex, I am not a feather tickler, I’m not a ball gag. I’m not a prop. I’m a human being and unless you have been given my explicit consent to treat me any differently – don’t.

Seems like an easy concept, right? You would think so, but every week or so I get a response from someone lamenting my rejection and bringing up the same lame response.  “Well, why are you even on (insert website)?”   Do you know what how sounds?  “ Hey Negro Bed Warmer/Slant Pussy, you exist solely for the pleasure of others, I’m threatened and angered by your attempts at autonomous sexual identification.”

Fuck that.   No one is obligated to fit into anyone else’s fetish.  It doesn’t matter if the last Asian girl loved it, if the Black guy in college turned you onto it -I have the right to be an individual no matter what website I join,  clothes I wear, language I choose to speak,  or person I choose to fuck.




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Author: N'jaila

N'jaila Rhee grew up in north New Jersey and graduated with a degree in Journalism and Communication media from Rutgers University in 2009. Rhee began exotic dancing while attended classes at Rutgers, and still dances at special events. Currently working professionally in media in the NYC metro area, she enjoys writing erotica, eating Nilla wafers and giggling at the word "balls".