N’jaila’s Mail Box : Sex Worker Racism


While I was sick about 2 months ago someone left a pretty interesting comment on one of my toy reviews. It was pretty interesting so I’ll lend my two cents.

“Hey N’Jaila, I was wondering what is your take on racism in escort communities. Sorry this isn’t on topic relative to the review, but I’ve been trying to google it since my friend was talking to me about the “no black men” policy some escorts have. I even read a blog post from a white escort, and while I know women are entitled to do what they want with their bodies and to keep themselves safe, especially in that line of work, it just seems all kind of wrong to me. I mean, we don’t even need anti-miscegenation laws or the sometimes seen lynch mobs anymore b/c people self-select, and in very predictable ways, on and off line. In blatantly racist ways. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about b/c I’ve considered escort work and it’s difficult to navigate this troubling dynamic. And of course as a black escort I’m worried if I could even make a living. Cause the discrimination goes both ways, I’d imagine white escorts get the most business in spite of age and appearance at time.  Oh and I realize you may not know much about escort side of work, but it’d still like to hear based on your experience, especially as a woman of color.”

Thanks for the questions, its a pretty complicated bunch to tackle.  First, its very hard to say where professional “obligation” starts and preferences end when it comes to sex work.  I’m not an escort, but I have been involved in various forms of sex work.  I have seen many exotic dancers ignore and even rudely rebuff men of certain races for various stupid  reasons.  One girl didn’t give dances to Indian men because she didn’t feel they tipped enough. Another dancer I know was afraid to be seen giving dances to Black men on the club floor for fear of losing the tips of White men, she would take them to the VIP portion of the club.  Neither of these women felt they were racist, or acting unfairly, of course the fact is they made judgments on clients or customers based their race. If it talks like a racist, and acts like a racist chance are, yep You are a RACIST. Even if you do so not because you actually feel superior to another race , but the supposed fear of losing the money of other racists. In that case not only are you racist but a coward as well.   Its even more troubling when workers charge men of color MORE for the same service all the while proclaiming to have policies that exclude them.

As I said before I’m not an escort but for a class project I did pose as one.  One of the most depressing things I experienced  during that time was getting calls from Black johns who practically begged and offered more money for me to see them.  I asked if they did so often and many of them said, “yes”.   Personally I would never PAY for the attention of a racist, but there are men that are willing to so the practice of discrimination will continue.

As for the discrimination that happens for Sex workers of color, yes its a very real thing.  A lot of ads for dancers, models and even escorts will say they are looking for “classy” or “upscale” which is really just code for “white and thin”.  Many places will charge you more to work where you will be paid less.  There is one upside, women of color are usually billed as far younger than they really are and therefore last longer at some agencies which means a longer career.

If you are thinking about being an escort please consider the fact that his line of work in the US is illegal. You can lose your vanilla job, even be evicted from your apartment if found out.  Even more important than that consider that there are man STDs and STI that you can get even with the use of condoms.  An alternative to escorting might be exotic dancing or web cam modeling, both are legal and reduce the amount of dangerous contact exponentially.  Remember for a Black escort , most of your johns will expect to pay you less for more, many agencies won’t hire you and if you are ever arrested you’ll most likely receive a harsher sentence than your white counterparts.

I hope I offered some insight into this topic for you, please be safe,



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Author: N'jaila

N'jaila Rhee grew up in north New Jersey and graduated with a degree in Journalism and Communication media from Rutgers University in 2009. Rhee began exotic dancing while attended classes at Rutgers, and still dances at special events. Currently working professionally in media in the NYC metro area, she enjoys writing erotica, eating Nilla wafers and giggling at the word "balls".

  • Adam J. Spencer

    Even though personally I haven’t done anything of this short, however, People do come to me with this same question. My biggest suggestion is to not do it…..chances are if they discriminate by race, they aren’t making very much money, or of such low quality (white trash) they are hoping that they fear the will be found out they are sleeping with a black man.

    Another possible reason, there black escorts who do such things hoping that it will cover the fact that she is a prostitute might have something to hide….so she figures if she only do white boys white boy won’t know any better. It is really no difference than a black chick who has a bunch of black children and never been married all of a sudden claiming she only like white boys.

    For whatever reason, I think it is stupid for a trick, john, or whore mongerer of any kind to be offended when a woman who “Sales” her attention doesn’t want him. If a man has enough time, money, and energy to put in to some online add, driving up and down in a poor neighborhood, trying to get him some pussy. She already think he’s is a loser…..Thus they call the art of paying a woman to like you “Tricking”. This term been used for over 400 years for this very reason.

    I look at it like this if these men can put that much effort in to paying for pussy, he can find him a decent woman who works for a living. I mean seriously they have any idea how easy you can impress your wife or girlfriend with 200 bucks an hour (or less in this economy)?

  • I have to disagree with you here. There is a very personal element to escorting and at the end of the day one has to feel comfortable enough to do it. Some people have sexual preferences for certain races, which does not really make them racist. I get a lot of men coming to me specifically because I am asian. Some women won’t see black men simply because they don’t feel they are attractive. A large part of this business is an illusion of fantasy and pleasure. If a client is paying he most likely wants to forget that aspect of experience quickly. Thus a girl who is faking attraction is not likely to get a repeat customer. I personally will see men of all colours because I find myself more attracted to someone’s mindset and ability to hold a conversation. I do discriminate based on initial contact though-I will not see anyone (be they white, black or whatever) who starts a conversation with “yo ma” and talks like they are from “tha hood”.

    • This is always such a touching subject and I get way , because it deal with something so uncomfortable and extremely intimate. Some view sex workers as mystical nonhuman that will do ANYTHING AND ANYONE for the right price. I’m not one of those people, but I still say that for many of the people who have these policies that Yes, They’re racist.

      Its not about even the sex work aspect at all. In all honesty I’ve always given a side eye to anyone that says they are attracted to , or not attracted to an entire race of people. There are so many vastly different looking ethnic groups in all races that I really can’t fathom pin-holding any look to any race. More often than not people aren’t talking about looks but what they perceive an entire race looks and acts like from their paltry interactions with a small percentage of individuals that identify as that race.

      I’ve met many an Asiaphile who professed the superiority of Asian beauty to be completely confused as to why there were so many “brown chics” at a Chinese American Church and I’ve seen many guy pass up my curly haired, freckled faced Israeli friend because they “didn’t do black chicks” They concept that X race equals X look just doesn’t pan out even in generalities.

      Now back to the sex worker aspect, I’ve seen hundreds of ads with Race based restrictions – I’ve seen maybe a handful with any such age restriction. So I find the argument that a woman won’t see a man because of his race because she isn’t attracted to him valid , when the vast majority of advertising escorts put no age, height or weight limit on their ads. Those are all factors that most times TRUMP race when picking out potential partners.

      Its also interesting that many of these escorts of ALL races routinely exclude Blacks and Latino , or claim to be exclusive to Whites. The majority of men on hobby sites are usually White, it looks more like a marketing ploy to seem more of a safe bet to those White hobbyist than being concerned about a real attraction to clients. Especially when a lot of these women will post that they only see white men, then see men of color for EXTRA Money. That’s a racist policy.

      There’s also the concern that Non-whites will not be able to afford the services of an escort, this is based on the assumption that the majority of Blacks and Hispanics live in poverty. If this policy is racist for banks , its just as racist for providers. It also doesn’t explain why a provider would be exclusively white if affluence was an issue? Many providers require a current pay stub to prove clients have the means to pay, so why would race come into it? And if you wanted to be racist, why not say College Educated Whites , Some Asians , Some North Africans and some Middle Eastern Men because according to the last census were the most affluent men.