My pussy is going on strike. I’ve decided for the remainder of the year to be celibate and continue to be celibate for as long as I can until I find a worthy partner. The first step for me was trying to tie up all the loose ends of booty calls and sorta boyfriends of the past that kept popping up trying to get some poon. It was taking too long to individually address them all so I wrote this so I could just send them the link when they come calling.
Mr.Mid-life Crisis,
We’ve been seeing each other since I was 14. I’ll admit it was awesome at first; you had your own place, car and bought me cool shit. Sadly, over the years as I’ve grown you have stayed the same.
Now that I’m part of the working force I can see how meaningless your gifts have been. The exception being that time you sent a year supply of ramen to my dorm room that was and always will be the best gift ever and for that my suite mates and I thank you.
Looking at our past relationships as an adult its pretty clear that I served only as a distraction from your “real life” as you are a pussy who feels your very ordinary life is so overbearing that it warrants necessary time outs. If you are so miserable, might I suggest changing some shit about your life instead of self-medicating with barely legal and co-ed pussy?
You see, I don’t want to be your distraction anymore. I don’t want to be your vacation, dirty little secret or fetish fuck. I don’t want to be your anything. I deserve more than you have the capacity to give.
So with a heavy heart I must tell you to go back to your wife, lover, video game console, other chicks you are fucking because in order for me to finish growing I need you out of the picture. I can no longer under value me by settling for you.
I wish you well. I’m sure you’ll ignore the real world with some new co-ed vagina until she too eventually needs a man that knows how to return affection as well as receive it.
I’m sure for you it was fun while it lasted.
Later,
Jaila
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