So He Wants to Put it in Your Butt…

Anal Sex: the Final Frontier

For many women my age this act has been a grey area phantom constantly lurking on your significant other’s mind and threatening the quaint dignity of your anus.  Unlike our mother’s generation where anal was a clear taboo we live in a world where thanks to porn anal has gone mainstream.  There’s been a dramatic increase of men expecting or desiring anal sex.

Real Women Talk About Anal Sex

Some of my readers pitch in on what they think about Anal sex

” Tried it once when I was 17. My boyfriend at the time was like, 5.5 inches and we didn’t use lube because we didn’t know what we were doing. It was a bloody, unpleasant mess XD but I’m still not against it because some guys are into that sort of thing and if they’re good to me I don’t mind giving them that. So yeah, I guess that’s how I feel about it XD”

“I’m a virgin and bisexual, oddly enough I get more excited imagining anal sex during masturbation then vaginal.  I can’t wait to try it when I’m ready.”

“It depends on the woman, right? I personally have never been into anal sex so if a guy asks for it then yes, I am doing it for him. But like, if the woman is into it (I know some that have been) and she asks for it, then it’s something that the man is doing for the woman.”

“I’m gay and most people assume because I’ve never been with a man I’ve never had anal. WRONG! its as much an option for lesbians as heteros. Just keep your anal and vaginal toys separated at all times!”

I used to be one of the women that couldn’t imagine a more foul and disgusting act than anal. I mean it involves butts and that’s where everyone poops from, and that’s a less than sexually stimulating thought.  It has been a long journey from seeing my butt as a two-way door and not just an exit.

The thing about anal is that everyone is pretty much right, its not for everyone and not everyone should be trusted to do it.  I’m not going to act as if you have to be on a higher level of consciousness to appreciate a dick in your ass like some crazy chicks.  I simply want to encourage those that already have the curiosity to try it out.  It’s not as terrible as some make it out. If I can get into it after my disastrous introduction anyone can.

The first time I had anal was in college. I was having a fling with this DEA officer who happened to live in the same building but upstairs from this other dude I had an odd relationship with. It was an awkward situation all around.  I’m pretty sure the cop got arrested for protecting a Korean tug station a few years later.  He was a weird guy; he actually broke up with me after I epically destroyed chances of boners.  Nothing brings an affair to a screeching halt than reminding a guy with a young daughter that you were someone’s little girl once.  But I’m going on a tangent.

Me and Officer Douche-bag would usually hang out at his bachelor pad.  It was a sad panorama of arrested development, 360 degrees of deferred dreams and broken promises.  Looking back I can’t decide what was more depressing the piles of wrinkled laundry, cans of beer or dusty unopened toys intended for his estranged daughter.  He once took out a camera he told me he used to take pictures of crime scenes. I don’t know if he was lying or not but the thing had a knack for capturing the very dead thing inside all of its objects.

The pictures of his family always felt ghoulish to me, I would always turn them down. I told him that I felt guilty that his ex-wife was watching but really it was because the family looked like wax zombies in every shot. He was once insistent on taking a picture of me before coitus.  I’m wearing a over-sized Rutgers sweatshirt, a jeans mini skirt that had seen better days and low top converses with comically cheerful pink socks and the saddest little half smile.

I look almost child like, exploited and broken. A hard to achieve look on a 5’9, 200-pound, 20-year-old woman.   I can’t remember what drama was going on in my life then looking at that picture with my face mournfully looking up and through the camera I want to go back in time to hug myself.  It gave me the chills whenever I looked at it and sometimes couldn’t believe it was picture of me.  And this fuckass looked at me in that state and thought to himself, “Ya know what she needs, surprised un-lubed penis in her butt.”

And that’s exactly what I got, bent over his couch and handcuffed to a pipe in the corner of his apartment. I’m very fortunate that other than discomfort he didn’t tear anything and I wasn’t bleeding.  Being the composed lady I am, I don’t think I even cried. I did tell him to stop but his response was.

“Its already in, might as well try to enjoy it.”

I didn’t.

Despite his praise that I was “a natural” it sure didn’t feel like that was the case.  I was in pain and worst of all felt violated.  Of course Officer Douche Bag wasn’t interested much in how I felt or if I was traumatized. When I stopped talking to him after this he sent me an email wondering if I was angry because he stole my copy of Natural City.  No mention of the entering one of my body cavities without asking or without preparation or even returning the damn DVD he stole.

Needless to say my view of non-traditional sex was greatly tarnished, but not forever damaged.  As I explored with partners that actually gave a shit about me, I realized that the act, just like any other, is what you make it.   If you feel comfortable and *ahem* open, it can be just as pleasurable for you as for your partner.

If a guy isn’t willing to lube you up, then he is not worthy of your asshole. If you don’t trust a man to stop if you tell him it hurts, he’s not worthy of your asshole.  If he thinks its gross to do anything put shove his penis in, he not worthy of your asshole.

Continued in part 2 and 3

Anal Sex 101 TS Star Wendy Williams

Anal Sex: Risks, Facts and Pleasure




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Author: N'jaila

N'jaila Rhee grew up in north New Jersey and graduated with a degree in Journalism and Communication media from Rutgers University in 2009. Rhee began exotic dancing while attended classes at Rutgers, and still dances at special events. Currently working professionally in media in the NYC metro area, she enjoys writing erotica, eating Nilla wafers and giggling at the word "balls".