5 WTF Sex Toy Companies

I’ve tried a lot of products, from many companies but these are sites offer toys so bizarre and so disturbing that I’m shocked that any of the products that they offer are massed produced.  So sit back and share the horror with me.  If you’re a little squeamish you might as well check out now.

 

 

5. Is your hottest fantasy having a unicorn impale your va-jayjay?WhipspiderRubberworks.com


Yeah me neither, but enough people must have requested it for this bizarre toy to exist. The last time I typed the word unicorn was when I was in 6th grade, writing a review of The Last Unicorn. This toy has now tarnished that movie forever.

I want to know is the fantasy having a Unicorn head butt you into ecstasy or is there some sick poaching element?  Am I to believe that somewhere out there some sick bitch is getting off imagining pumping her puss after dehorning a mythical beast?  These are questions I hope to never have answered.

This site also offers a glow in the dark alien lover dildo, and a penis covered by jelly fish dildo , because…  I really can’t think of a good reason.

 

4. All the bestiality without PETA all up in your ass. Kinkyconsumer.com has what you need.

Put this in someone you love.

To be fair this site isn’t ALL about animal dildos, but they do carry a lot of them and are strangely proud about how authentic they are.  You can find their full offering here. (Don’t click if you ever want to look at your German Sheppard the same again.)

Their specialty seems to be in inflatable animal cocks, and scaling down horse cocks for human consumption.   This puzzles me, isn’t the whole fascination with horse cocks because they’re too big for humans?  Then again, I’m not the core audience of these toys and I’m not going to sit here and pretend I know what goes on in the mind of a person that orders a hundred dollar horse cock… that squirts.  From their site-

The Equinox certainly qualifies in this regard. It iss a realistic model of a horse penis that has been scaled-down to comfortable human proportions. But that is far from all! This product also has a truly unique feature: it squirts! The equinox comes with an eight ounce bulb that will squirt the substance of your choice through the tip of the dildo at that strategic moment. Warmed water-based lube makes a nice synthetic semen. Consider the possibilities!

No, I will not consider the possibilities. I refuse.

This site also offers fox cocks, dog dongs and pony peens.  And a bizarre gallery of the webmaster’s tiny pierced cock.

3. So you don’t wanna fuck a dog, but you DO wanna fuck a dragon. Bad-Dragon.com has you covered.

So actual beasts are to plebeian for your carnal needs you don’t want to fuck a wolf, you need for fuck a wearwolf, or a anthropomorphic orca. I shit you not, they have that. And because they hate me there’s a disturbing yiff-tastic picture of the creature whose cock or pussy the consumer is purchasing.  (Warning these images cannot me unseen.)

This site has toys for men and women that play waaay to much D&D. If you ever wanted Naga cock, or dragon pussy they got what you need and its disturbingly affordable and customizable. You can pick how soft or hard and color combinations. Oh and the optional cum tubes for activities that I refuse to imagine.

This site offers all the mythical genitals no one ever asked to be created- and Razor the Homothug Doberman.  I can’t make this shit up people.


2. necronomicox.com like their cock like they like their coffee- No longer living.

This is a small site that offers only 6 or so products, but each one is infinitely more horrible than the last. The most disturbing being a 300-dollar rotting erect penis.  The site boasts the many features of the Zombi , like maggots infested head and “clit stimulating arteries”

Now, I found the Left 4 Dead porno a knee slapping good time but not because I thought zombie sex was in any way a good idea. First off, if we are talking Romero zombies- they can’t even run what makes you think they can wear a pussy out.  Then if we are talking about the faster Walking Dead Zombies, they’re all rotted, you want to know the first things that rot of a human corpse? All the fleshy extremities.   But lets say that these zombies magically keep their cocks, erections need blood- pumping blood. The whole concept of the undead negates the possibility of sex. You can’t get it up if your heart isn’t pumping…especially if all those essential arteries are bursting out of the penis so it can “stimulate a clit”

This company also makes a awful chuthulu monster dildo with probing tentacle  and a xenomorph chest burster dildo… that is FML SOLD OUT. They all cost more than 200 bucks.

1. Honeydolls.jp and their barely legal Rape dolls.

I can’t reproduce the pics on this site so I’ll have to just link to them. There’s no way around this. This is a teenage rape doll.   The dolls are “dreaming” but they look a lot like a drugged or freshly dead teenaged girl.

I’m surprised the FBI didn’t burst through my door just for clicking on some of these pics.   This company is cornering the corpse rape market in Japan. They have dolls that look like awake and consenting adult women, but they seem to really want to showcase their new “teen” body.

So if you want to defile a sleeping young girl, or a dead one you can do so judgment free thanks to Honeydolls.

Fuck you Honeydolls.

 




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Author: N'jaila

N'jaila Rhee grew up in north New Jersey and graduated with a degree in Journalism and Communication media from Rutgers University in 2009. Rhee began exotic dancing while attended classes at Rutgers, and still dances at special events. Currently working professionally in media in the NYC metro area, she enjoys writing erotica, eating Nilla wafers and giggling at the word "balls".

  • I still wanna see a video of you demonstrating you actually using some of the products you review *wink*

  • Anonymous

    I guess an animal dildo is safer than actually trying to sleep with one. Not something I’d try, but if it keeps people from getting diseases and abusing animals then . . . *shrugs* Actually, since the site applauds itself for such realistic models I have to wonder how they’re abiding by animal cruelty laws. Or if they are period . . . 

    I’m sorry but there’s just something wrong with sex dolls. Especially those which look so realistic and let men get their rape fantasy on. *shiver* 

    The story behind the anthro dragon chick is funny. XD 

  • Wow. I’d actually heard of all the other ones, but I think the Rape Doll is the most disturbing. Yeah the other ones are pretty fucked up, but some people have some pretty kinky ass fantasies… Not my dealio.

    The doll sent a shiver down my spine. I couldn’t help but imagine the scene and how it got to that stage… Ughhh

    The unicorn horn doesn’t bother me. I think of it as being whimsical. Lol

    • Yes, the sleeping child doll, really upset me. I actually looked into it and its completely legal in Japan where the company is based.

  • Actually, the unicorn horn and jellyfish dildo are made by a company called Whipspider Rubberworks. They have a lot of different stuff like that.

    • Thank you , I did write down the wrong website! thanks for catching that.

  • Paul_A54

    This is the kind of in depth coverage I come to this blog for 😀 For me it’s the animal dildos and the rape dolls that make me the most uncomfortable. If I was seeing someone and they had a horse or dog dildo, I wouldn’t even make an excuse to leave.

    • I would run if she has a strap on to go with that horse cock.