Toys Vs Boys?

The Battle that Rages Only in the Mind of Heterosexual Men

Part one

Where do Vibrators come from ?

This may shock you but not to long ago I was one of the many women who did not masturbate, especially not with any kind of device or apparatus to assist me.  Sometimes it’s little hard for me to be so open about self-pleasure.   One of those moments came up recently when I was showing a dear friend my blog for the first time.

This young man is very sharp, liberal minded and open in most regards to sexuality. One of the few fellows that treated me just as well after he found out I was a dancer as he did before he knew.  I was showing him some of my writing on his Black Berry and the topic of sex toys came up.  He said very seriously “No girl of mine is going to be using a vibrator” Continue reading “Toys Vs Boys?”

Meet the Aston Martin of Pleasure Objects.

I’ve been looking for quality products to review after I was introduced to a myriad of new toy companies and in my search for the best and more interesting  I made a jaw dropping discovery.  The most expensive collection of sex toys ever created.

The Swedish made Lelo Luxe  collection of “pleasure objects” together cost more than a semester of my college education, more than my brother’s car and  triple  the average cost of breast augmentation in the US ($6,598  USD according to realself.com)

the Luxe group of pleasure devices
Collectively $20,890 USD

The collection consists of the $1500 Yva a clitoral stimulator, the $7900 Olga G-spot stimulator , the $990 Earl the prostate stimulator ( which comes with matching cuff links) , and the most expensive vibrating dildo ever created the $ 10, 500 Inez.  Collectively a whopping $20,890 not counting shipping and handling.

These are not your mama’s vibrator, unless your mama is some kind of duchess or one of Donald Trump’s exes.  Lelo has always been known for their whisper quiet  high quality  products, but the Luxe line really takes the cake when it comes to sexual opulence. According to Lelo.com the com:

The most luxurious vibrators and massagers in the world, arriving on a satin pillow in an exclusive wooden box, ready for truly special users. All are crafted in stainless steel or 18K gold plate, materials that offer exciting prospects for those inclined to the sensual use of temperature.

That’s right, those 14K gold earrings you got your lady are of poorer quality than something designed to tickle a g-spot or prostate.  Hell,  my brother’s used car didn’t cost as much as the Inez alone.   Not only are these items haute couture for sex they were even displayed in an art exhibition “Sensuality and Design”  at the Fuori Salone in Milan in 2009.   Let’s see your Fleshlight pull that off.

The only way I’d do porn was if  I got to use the golden Inez , sure I’d be penetrated on camera – BUT WITH A GOLDEN GODDAMNED DILDO.   I’m wondering how long it takes for rappers to start bragging about owning one of these  gems.

Edward Cullens Has an Ugly Sparkle Dink

Twilight Fans Can Finally Experience Edward’s Twinkle Cock

I’m going to say this pretty plainly. I hate Twilight. In any form books, movies, and especially anyone over the age of 14 that thinks the books are well written and romantic. The main character Mary Sue- er Bella Swan has the personality of cardboard box. I don’t understand the appeal but one thing that is now cemented in my mind is that fans of the series that are over 18 are the saddest fans ever. Even worst than Dragon Force fans.

While I was doing some Black Friday sex toy shopping I happened upon this

Fuck you Internet, FUCK YOU.

Tantus Inc is a great dildo merchant as far as dildo merchants go but … a sparkling pink cock? Seriously, why pander to the lowest common bracket of humanity, twitards? I’m not even going to bother wondering why they made a dildo fashioned after a preteen fantasy.

I was flabbergasted that the damn thing cost 40 bucks , 14 year olds don’t have that kinda cash to blow on dick, middle aged moms do. My soul cried asI realized that this is exactly who they are marketing to. The over the hill twi-mom in her  5X “Team Edward” T-shirt rubbing one out to the sex lives of teens.

I’m also miffed that they gave him an mediocre cock. “The Vamp” as the call it is only 6.75 inches and 1 1/2 inches thick. Now account for the fact that you have to hold the thing in your hand you’re geting like 3 and a half inched of undead cock. Boo.

I come off feeling some type of why knowing that this thing is designed to go in the freezer and stay cold. Necrophilia can be mainstream as long as glitter is involved I guess.

Another thing that pisses me off is the site sugest movies for you to enjoy with this:

Tantus suggests the following movies if you enjoy The Vamp. Talk about Expert Advice!

  • The Lost Boys
  • Fright Night 1 and 2
  • Interview with the Vampire
  • Bram Stoker’s Dracula
  • True Blood TV Series
  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV Series
  • Angel TV Series

If one wants to fuck Edward , I’m pretty sure they don’t have the sense of humor to enjoy Whedon , the attention span to sit through Bram Stoker’s Dracula and sex scares you so that takes out True Blood and Interview with a Vampire. Twilight fans don’t like real vampires, they like hollow fantasies of popularity and not fucking vampires until they marry you.

Oh and the damn thing doesn’t even sparkle that much

You’re Going LOVE Eating This ASS!


Because it’s made of chocolate!

This little bite of WTF was emailed to me by a reader. The Incredible Edible Anus is made by the chocolatiers of Bisous and it handcrafted out of fine Belgian chocolate. If you order from thier site www.EdibleAnus.com ( you just can’t make this shit up) you will receive anuses made of dark, milk and white chocolate. The smallest amount anus you can order is 5 boxes each containing 3 anuses. It will set you back about 60 USD.

Clearly…


I’m somewhat flabbergasted that there was a large enough demand for candy anus that a company would specialize in them – but in a world of Lolicocks and gummy boobs a chocolate anus doesn’t seem that weird does it? Ok ,yes it does. Its plenty freaky lol. I wonder if some British bloke is misting himself with a little Vulva while rimming one of these coco assholes.

For a limited time they are offering a solid silver anus for the low low price of 250 pounds! I guess some people need a paper weight they can finger?

I was a little put off by this blurb from the site.
I guess if your serious about your genital shaped confections you can’t possibly settle for something made by some filthy Chinaman. I’m going to pass on ordering these I’ve got a perfectly edible smack-able chocolate ass of my own.

Today I’m a Sad Panda

Yesterday I was robbed, in broad daylight. I no longer have my cell phone, which had the last photos of my uncle who passed in July. I no longer have my I-pod, which wasn’t so bad because it was broken anyway. I also no longer have my Hello Kitty Bank card, but that’s okay because you can’t get blood from a stone. The most valuable thing I lost was peace of mind.

What also sucks is the camera I was going to use to cover Exxxotica NY is now being pawned.

As much as I hate to do this, if anyone out there can help me replace some of these items, via donation or just borrowing a video camera for the last weekend of Sept, feel free to contact me.

 

 

Want to smell vagina but don’t want the hassel of a woman?? NOW YOU CAN


With VULVA original, the hilariously titled product can be purchased for about 1990 euros here. www.smellmeand.com ( get it?) . It seems like this is a not a cologne or a perfume, but a sexual aid. A gentleman or gentle lesbian can dab a drop on themselves to aid in “erotic fantasies”

I’m happy to hear this isn’t a new body scent trend, the last thing I want is to be walking around smelling pussy all day. I hope they don’t expand into dick scents. Can you imagine FORESKIN or maybe BALLS . That’s a world I don’t want to live in.

I’m sick of emailing it to people, so here is it the Keni Styles interview…. blah

I imagine if some vengeful Greek god were to crack my head open so my wildest fantasies could be unleashed on earth, the man that would spring from my gushing wound would be Keni Styles. A beautiful man, with a beautiful cock -Tanned, ripped and tattooed he’s like the best part of every woman’s day dreams. Luckily for us girls, his chiseled visage can be seen gracing the small screen regularly. He’s not the next medical drama lothario , or MTV slow jam crooner, Keni Styles is an international porn star.

Thailand born and England raised he’s found himself a hot commodity in the world of adult entertainment. Styles has won accolades for his work not only in England but in the US as well. He was nominated for the 2009 AVN for “Best Foreign Male” actor.

Like many women I’ve never been much for porn movies, it has nothing to do with prudish nature or morality; obviously I spend most of my free time writing and reading smut. I never liked watching porn due to the lack of men I’d actually want to fuck being featured in them.

Cheesy dialogue, horrid acting and depressing shortage hot guys made mainstream straight porn seem “for boys only.” Which is why I felt Styles was such a find. He’s an actor who wants to bring much needed passion and eroticism into adult movies. He brings Hugh Grant’s adorable boyish British charm, Colin Ferrel’s bad boy sexy and heaving helping of Will Demps’ “Gotdamn he’s fine” -to porn. Finally something for the ladies.

I recently had the opportunity to get school in the ins and outs of working in adult films. Not only did I get a crash Porn 101 course but also I found that Styles is more than a pretty face and a girthy phallus, he happens to be an actor’s actor. Keni Styles may be the first adult method actor. Stella Adler would be proud.

So what is it like to do adult films , like what’s a day in the life like?

It depends on the type.

There’s types?

There are two types of adult films Gonzo and Features

Gonzo is the main moneymaker, its realer, the sex, its less directed. You basically show up to set, meet the girl and do your thing. Gonzo in a way is easier to market.

Features, that’s what I love. I love acting and being a character , theses are my favorites. I really get into reading scripts and being what they need me to be. Personally I enjoy both. A lot of more senior performers pick one over the other. I think I can bridge the gap, deliver a great story and real sex.

What’s it like on set of a feature?

A feature day – you can have 14 hours on set and 20 mins of fucking. Generally it’s a very long day , lots of waiting around. Its not boring though, you can practice your lines, fuck, you know whatever.

You can fuck in-between?

Of course, going from blow job against a windowsill to fucking on the bed seems simple in the final products , but the crew needs to relight and dress the set for every change. It could be like a 40 min break. You can sit there or keep the sexual energy going. For me I keep my mind focused on the sex and the character that’s having sex. It helps me not to stop.

You seem really into the acting, do you think acting is as important as the sex in feature porn?

Porn is porn and film is film. I guess for me I like to bring the two together. Which might sound crazy but I think I can do it. See the features of the past would have these wooden characters and then just gonzo fucking. There was no emotional connection to the characters.

Not everyone is into gonzo fucking. If you make a story based film with high production value and quality acting it wouldn’t just be sleazy ass gaping porn. I think that’s why less women watch porn. We should make things appealing to them as well.

I defiantly feel if there are solid films that have intimate sex people will see it as more that just porn.

I read almost of all of your blog, you’ve done some pretty kinky stuff, is it difficult to film scene that involve stuff you are personally just not into?


I don’t see it as difficult, just a challenge as an actor. It’s no different than Brad Pitt getting into a role. You have to become the person you’re playing. You have to be so convincing that your dick is hard. You have to convince yourself. For example I’m not into pissing, but I can see how that taboo breaking can be a turn on.

There’s a vast range of things out there that a lot of guys won’t go out of their comfort zone and do. Being on set with a gorgeous woman , a whole set full of crew and your dick’s not hard and ready to fuck is the loneliest place in the world. I can see why some actors try to avoid that place.

I also read that you found your way into adult movies by being a male escort, maybe its just because I’m fresh out of college but I can’t imagine a woman having to pay for dick- how was that like? Am I wrong?

Well, it really came from the swinging scene. I was involved with cuckold couples.

Cuckold?

Couples who enjoy watching the wife fuck another man. Sometimes the husband likes to be degraded by his wife. It varies from couple to couple. In the UK its not usually racially motivated as in the states. When swinging event organizers set up, they would sometimes want a few guys would be employed to fuck wives while the husband watched. The cuckold scene is quite vast. Most of my clients were couples. There were a few single women client here and there, but for the most part I was hired for swinging and cuckold scene. I honestly think it’s the best training ground for porn.

Really? How so?

Well, it teaches you to find something beautiful in every woman and to really learn how to get pleasure from giving pleasure.

Speaking of training for porn what is your advice for guys that want to get in the adult business?

I always say if you really wanted to do porn, you’d be doing it.

Really? I would imagine that there’s certain standards a man has to live up to, no?

It’s not that hard to get into porn. Just like a boxer is only as good as his last fight, you’re only as good as your last scene. It all comes down to your scenes.

How is doing a scene different from recreational sex?

The smaller the difference the better actually, there should be a real sexual connection on screen. The sex for me is always getting better at work or at home. I just want to keep things real and hot. I try to keep them one and the same.

So here’s the hard question, and the one I’m sure a lot of the guys that read my blog want to know, how is it being an Asian man in porn?

You know, I’ve never faced racism in porn. I think if you’re already a victim before you open your mouth or go on set people are going to victimize you. I’ve never not been cast because of my race.

Do you feel a lot of pressure on you because you are one of the few straight Asian male Adult stars?

One of the things that kind of pisses me off is that other people are placing the responsibility to represent them on me. I’m not Asian men I’m Keni. That’s why I don’t have my own site right now, I don’t want to be marketed that way.

Oh, is that why your “ my first Thai guy” site is down?

No, that was just something that didn’t work out.

What is it about racial marketing don’t you like?

I’m not in porn for that reason. I do it because I love acting and I love sex its also racism. I don’t give a shit if its “pro Asian man” or “anti Asian man” Its still capitalizing on racial stigmas.

Isn’t that just part of the game?

I’ve actually gotten hate mail because of this, I just ignore it.

There are others guys out there that are doing it out there. Hung Lo – have you heard of him?

Yeah, I’ve never seen his porn but I’ve been to his forums– scary, not a place for a blasian girl to hang out…or anyone with a vagina really.

Well he’s trying to capitalize on Asian men and white women. I don’t wish him bad in any way, I wish him well actually, but that does not impress me. Its not something I would watch simply because the race of the performers isn’t my main focus. I’ve performed with every type of girl and as long as the sex is hot that’s all that should matter.

At the end of the day it’s a business and [Hung Lo] is smart in his marketing, but I don’t want to go that route. So my choice is to represent me. I’m not against others who chose to do the opposite, but that’s not me.

Understandable, so what films do you have coming out soon?

You can look out for Pure distributed by Evil Angel it’s a modern day spin on a Japanese cult classic. I’m also in Miss Lucifer‘s Malice in LaLa Land with Sasha Grey. They should both be out by Sept. 30th .

You seem to love acting so much, would you ever want to do a non-adult role? Like your recent co-star Sasha Grey?

Well, I like to think of all my features as films with sex in them, I was actually offered a role but the timing wasn’t right. Hopefully in the future I would love to.

Well, If I get into film school, you’ll be the first person I call to star in my student films, something tells me you’d make the casting couch experience memorable to say the least.

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For more Keni Styles check out his blog , vlog or follow him on Twitter.